


realization

by garfieldkinnie



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Intrusive Thoughts, Lowercase, M/M, Murder, Other, Sorry shippers, bad don’t read this pls, i hope twitter likes this one, no beta we die like men, platonic but you can take it as romantic, religious trauma a little?, skeppy you too, skeppys only mentioned really, this is me self projecting whoops, this is ooc as fuck lmaoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28015746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garfieldkinnie/pseuds/garfieldkinnie
Summary: is he a good person? he wants to be.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	realization

**Author's Note:**

> heyo so this is my first fic on here so i hope you like it. english isn’t my first language so if there’s any typos or mistakes pls have mercy, also this is kinda dark and ooc but it’s just be projecting ig lol :)

what defines someone as a good person? caring for your friends? lighting up a room? being friendly to everyone?

bad doesn’t know. he wants to be good, he really does. he doesn’t swear in case someone might get upset over it. he donates to charity and gives meals to the homeless and tips extra when someone is even a little bit nice to him. he was a boy scout, learned to tie knots and respect elders and helped people cross the street. 

he doesn’t feel good. he feels like he wants to strangle his friends sometimes. they’re joking, he knows that. it’s all just jokes at the end of the day. but he wants, or more like feels like he needs to kill all the people he loves and then himself and he gets these thoughts that leave him scared. he sits in bed shaking at what his mind makes him think.

those thoughts aren’t him. he’s sure of it. he would never kill or steal or god forbid anything else he thinks of. he’s good, he wants to be good. why won’t his mind let him be good?

he doesn’t want to meet up with skeppy. doesn’t want to meet up with anyone, to be frank. he’s scared of what will happen if he’s alone with someone he loves. he moved away from his parents, doesn’t visit any family that often. he doesn’t want to be close with his roommates. he’s scared of what will happen if he does. 

he wants to be good why won’t he fucking be good. he prayed at night when he was little. when he was a boy scout who just wanted to be good. he asked god to help him. to save him. to FIX HIM. FIX HIM. FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM FIX HIM

the forest is louder than you’d think. especially in the middle of the night. his footsteps are loud and he can hear his heartbeat as if it were played by the loudest fucking speaker in the world. the heavy dragging of [] that makes the leaves ruffle is louder. 

dirt. the dirt doesn’t make as much noise as he thought, which is good. the shovel just makes a soft sound as it pierced the ground and makes the whole in the dirt bigger and bigger. 

as he digs he thinks back on what happened only a couple hours ago. he was happy. he was laughing with skeppy and they were streaming and he was HAPPY. 

as he wipes his forehead of both sweat and blood he starts to think about what his younger self would say. and if he’s honest, his younger self would scream and he scared and cry to his mom because at some point he gave in to what his mind told him. 

and when he hears the sirens getting louder and louder he starts to realize there is no good or bad. no good or bad. no good or bad no good or bad no good or bad

“hands in the air!”

There Is No Good Or Bad.

and everything goes silent.


End file.
